Research Improves the Lives of Rodents Everywhere

Sorry gentle readers, this blog contains nothing about cats or writing, but I did promise to keep you apprised on the latest in animal behavior research. Technically, it’s about the cat’s favorite prey and that qualifies. Next week, it’s back to my rat killing.
—Dusty Rainbolt

I’ll wager you’ve noticed that your taxes are too high. If the rate at which you’re being dispossessed of your hard earned cash by the government hasn’t yet appeared on your radar screen, then I bet you’ve taken note of the obscene cost of attending institutions of higher learning.

Colleges have a few things in common with both the government and Paris Hilton. They’re top heavy, they love to spend money, and they aren’t discriminating about what they’re paying for. Consider some of the ridiculous things our taxes and our tuition are funding.

You are going to be delighted to know (as I was) that scientists at a university lab have discovered that Viagra helps hamsters overcome jet lag. Yes! Relieved hamster owners around the world are declaring, “Now Fluffy can get his little wang up!” I know rodents suffering from a lack of libido or jetlag should be a concern to all animal lovers. In the past these poor lab hamsters had to stop procreating long enough to scurry aboard a plane and travel cross-country. Now they can actually procreate while ON the plane!

Rather than wasting good Viagra and plane trips on creatures who don’t have any problems reproducing in the first place (and who can’t tell the difference between the Grand Canyon and the bathroom at Grand Central Station), why don’t these Ivy Leaguers pass out little blue pills at retirement communities and send these sexy seniors on a second or fifth honeymoon in Hawaii. The experiment conducted in this manner has the added benefit of the human actually being able to say whether or not he feels lagged.

Which begs the question: how can you tell if a hamster has jetlag? I’ll probably never know. I guess I went to the wrong university.

FYI-Government studies that have wasted your money:
*In 1975 the FAA spent $57,800 for a study of flight attendants’ (stewardess’) body measurements. (I wonder if a guy thought that one up?)
*Also in 1975, the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism wasted millions of dollars to find out whether drunken fish are more aggressive than sober fish. They also wanted to know if young rats are more likely than adult rats to drink booze to reduce anxiety, and if rats can be turned into alcoholics. (Rats don’t need alcohol anymore. Now they have Viagra!)
*Law Enforcement Assistance Administration spent nearly $27,000 in 1977 to determine why inmates want to escape from prison. (Good thing they didn’t get mixed up and give the inmates Viagra.)
*The National Institute for Mental Health in the U.S. spent almost $100,000 funding a study of behavior and social relationships in a Peruvian brothel. This is something every American needs to know! (Wonder which gender conceived this quest for knowledge?)
*The Department of the Air Force conducted a six-month test at the Pentagon on the use of umbrellas by male personnel in uniform. (Yes. This will help keep America safe!)
*The Department of the Army prepared a 17-page document that told the federal government how to buy a bottle of Worcestershire sauce. (Now I can sleep at night!)

Tune in next week for more Confessions of a Cat Writer (and I’ll probably say something about writing and cats.) Same Cat Time…Same Cat Channel.

www.dustyrainbolt.com

What the Heck is a Cat Writer?

Several years ago Roger Daltrey posed this Socratic question to me: “Who are you?” and what the heck is a cat writer? Okay, Daltrey asked me and 30,000 other people attending the concert. And he didn’t actually include the part about the cat writer, but he should have.

I suppose if you looked up “cat writer” in your Funk & Wagnall, (and if there really were an entry for cat writer) it would say something like: “A person who writes about cats.” Wow. Bet you couldn’t have figured that one out! In your Webster’s Dictionary, it might just say,

cat writer (noun) kăt rī'tər

1. Dusty Rainbolt
2. a person who commits his or her thoughts or ideas about felines to writing; someone who writes about cats.

That’s me. I’m even a member of the international organization, Cat Writers’ Association. (Honest, there’s a professional association for people who write about cats. www.catwriters.org) Our members run the gamut from those who write about cat care, health, behavior and rescue to fiction. Me. I write it all. I’m the product editor for the Tufts University newsletter, Catnip. Wanna know about a product for your cat? Chances are, I’ve tried it. I’m the author of Kittens For Dummies (yup, part of the famous Dummies series you find everywhere). My book, Ghost Cats: Human Encounters with Feline Spirits, which is a collection of stories about people who have been visited by cat spirits, is now in bookstores. In December, Cat Wrangling Made Easy: Maintaining Peace and Sanity in You Multicat Home will be (hopefully) flying off store shelves in a Christmas-buying frenzy. If you like humor, I’m the author of All The Marbles, a science fiction romp and a co-author of The Four Redheads of the Apocalypse. I also write the award winning monthly feline advice columns “Dear Hobbes” (City + Country Pets in Dallas) and “Ask Einstein” found at www.stickypaws.com. You may have read my work in Cat Fancy or I Love Cats.

What can you expect from Confessions of a Cat Writer? Hopefully a lot of laughs, the latest information on feline medicine, behavior, rescue, and products, writing and marketing tips for you writers who don’t have the word “cat” in your title. I’ll include information about other writers and books you might find fun or helpful. And I’ll drop in the occasional news story that somehow pertains to writing, cats, science fiction/fantasy, ghosts or something that’s just to bizarre to ignore. You’ll hear about personal appearances at book signings, science fiction cons and other conferences where I’ll be appearing next. Woohoo!

Check out my Web site, (www.dustyrainbolt.com) but don’t believe everything you read on it. My husband said if I didn’t give him content, he’d make it up. I won’t tell you what’s true and what’s not.

Tune in next week for more Confessions of a Cat Writer. Same Cat Time…Same Cat Channel.