Hemingway Cats: Bureaucracy Gone Amok

Key West, Florida—it’s a sleepy little island that’s hosted pirates, presidents and celebrities. It’s laid back. So laid back the locals called it Key Weird. I loved visiting Key Weird. And it is… really weird.

It’s also the home of Ernest Hemingway, Amelia Earhart, Louisa May Alcott, Truman Copote and many other famous names. Okay, I know that the MIA aviatrix was born in Kansas and Capote took his first breath in New Orleans. This Earhart and Capote have four feet and purr. They are residents of the Ernest Hemingway Home and Museum—descendents of the author’s original treasured polydactyl cat, Snowball. There are some 50 contented kitties living on the one-acre Hemingway compound.

A couple of years ago a disgruntled cat-detesting neighbor complained about the Hemingway Museum being a nuisance because the occasional feline would scale the brick wall and explore the neighborhood. The United States Department of Agriculture (USDA) charged to the rescue. What makes the Hemingway cats the business of the esteemed USDA? Expense accounts—those poor agents have to trek to a popular resort town on the government’s dime (meaning you and I pay for the “work” trip) to investigate. The USDA determined that they had jurisdiction because the cats are an exhibit similar to a circus. That’s right, the cats, who get weekly vet checks and spend their time wandering the grounds are in the same category with performing tigers and zoo exhibits. (Can you say “Margaritas on an unlimited expense account?” Arriba!) The USDA continued to pursue the case even after judges dismissed it. At one point, the agency rented a room in a guesthouse near the Hemingway property in order to videotape the cats. There were midwinter visits to the sunny little island for high-ranking investigators, too. Yes indeed, ladies and gentlemen, our tax dollars at work.

In a time when contaminated food regularly makes its way onto our grocery store shelves and sometimes even into our pet food bowls, it seems criminal that this government agency would become obsessed about 50 historically significant cats belonging to a museum.

The thing that makes this case all the more appalling is Key West has a huge feral chicken population. You read that right. In 2004, Assistant City Manager John Jones estimated Key West had between 1,500 and 2,000 feral chickens roaming the 2-mile by 4-mile long island. It’s against the law to hurt, kill, eat, harass or molest the chickens in Key West. In an age where one only whispers the words “bird flu”, you’d think the USDA would have more pressing things to worry about in Key West.

The USDA made lots of suggestions over the years including caging the cats, installing an electric fence (isn’t that a lawsuit waiting to happen?), and removing them outright. After five years, the agency came to its senses and contacted animal behaviorist and professor at the University of Florida's College of Veterinary Medicine in Miami, Terry Curtis, DVM. Dr. Curtis said in a report that the cats appeared "well-cared for, healthy and content" and suggested the museum install a special fence. Unlike the USDA, Dr. Curtis took into consideration the historic nature of the property and the safety of both the cats and museum visitors. She recommended the property be surrounded by Purr-Fect Fence, a patent pending cat containment system made by Purr-Fect Fence LLC. Sounds like they could have easily come up with the Purr-fect idea five years earlier. But with free trips to a Florida resort town, where’s the incentive?

Over the five-year battle the museum has spent more than $250,000 for lawyers and the fence. The question still boils about whether or not the museum should be required to get a USDA license for the cats. Once again, the courts might have to settle that question.

Remember, folks. The USDA sacrificed so much for you. You are now protected from those dangerous kitty cats at the Ernest Hemingway House and Museum. Now, anyone for fried chicken?

Tune in next week for more Confessions of a Cat Writer. Same Cat Time…Same Cat Channel.

(You can see pictures of the Hemingway cats and the Key West Chickens on my Zootoo page http://www.zootoo.com/profile/dustycatwriter.)

Dusty Rainbolt
Member of Cat Writers' Association & International Association of Animal Behavior Consultants
Host of Paranormal Pets on PetLifeRadio.com
Author of Cat Wrangling Made Easy: Maintaining Peace & Sanity in Your Multicat Home, Ghost Cats: Human Encounters with Feline Spirits, Kittens for Dummies, All the Marbles
www.dustyrainbolt.com